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Guilt as a carer

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Guilt as a carer “How’s mum Lou?” Pops into my inbox several times.   Often, it’s too much to even think about.   The answer isn’t going to be good. Every time. Those who mum talks to think she sounds the same.   She doesn’t have an awareness of how the clock is ticking for her.   Likely a good thing right? Well let’s face it, dementia and heart failure is only going in one direction and I’m nothing if pragmatic.   Which means, I deal with things without my head buried in the sand. Right now, my head IS buried in the sand. So, heart failure means the heart isn’t pumping as it should. Mum has diastolic dysfunction. Which means it isn’t filling up as it should.   The blood can only back up into the lungs, creating a cough.   Initially I explained this to mum.   Yet she now says, “Ohh got   a bit of phlegm.” Or “Ohh silly tickle.” And there’s not much point keep telling her. Why? To create panic?   What’s the point? So dementia, yes, that’s going to be hor
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Finding a middle ground - this was ALL my fault!

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The past few posts have been negative and angry. We are now somewhere totally new. This is a good thing for all concerned. Mum is happy and comfortable. I am happy.  I'm living my life as well as making sure she has her basic needs met, gets to Cogs club and sees her friends. Win/Win. Me trying too hard is why I ended up crumbling to the point of needing lots of love, care and medical attention. I should have just been me. Accepting that this has to be enough as this is all I can give. Now, here we are with me off to hospital and having treatment. Mum didn't seem to happy about having to get a cab to her cogs club but I'm unable to drive for a couple of days due to the anaesthetic.  That's just bad luck. Accepting that mum will always demand her own needs first, putting mine second has made me feel differently about things. Don't get me wrong, if she was in hospital of course I would drop everything and be there. I should have allowed her to get on with d
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My site has gone!

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Welcome to those of you who are new here.   Those of you who hopped over from the other website (dementiamumandme.com) I'm so so sorry! What happened to our tales and adventures?  They have all disappeared as my account is locked.  I'm gutted.  While they are sorting this out (it seems a long tale...) I will endeavour to update you via this new website.  Mum is still with us and still fighting every day to live her best life. To date, I have loved writing about our adventures over on the other blog, with the ideal that I could keep it there and have a look at the photos and read some things.  Yet it's gone. (sad face with a tear gently rolling down the cheek).  For me, creating beautiful photos, writing and blogs is partly therapy and i was at the stage of thinking it might be time to write a little book in relation to how i have found 'things' while living with a mother with dementia.  So, let's not be beaten, rather let's start again with Google an
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