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Finding a middle ground - this was ALL my fault!

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The past few posts have been negative and angry. We are now somewhere totally new. This is a good thing for all concerned. Mum is happy and comfortable. I am happy.  I'm living my life as well as making sure she has her basic needs met, gets to Cogs club and sees her friends. Win/Win. Me trying too hard is why I ended up crumbling to the point of needing lots of love, care and medical attention. I should have just been me. Accepting that this has to be enough as this is all I can give. Now, here we are with me off to hospital and having treatment. Mum didn't seem to happy about having to get a cab to her cogs club but I'm unable to drive for a couple of days due to the anaesthetic.  That's just bad luck. Accepting that mum will always demand her own needs first, putting mine second has made me feel differently about things. Don't get me wrong, if she was in hospital of course I would drop everything and be there. I should have allowed her to get on with d...
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Guilt as a carer

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Guilt as a carer “How’s mum Lou?” Pops into my inbox several times.   Often, it’s too much to even think about.   The answer isn’t going to be good. Every time. Those who mum talks to think she sounds the same.   She doesn’t have an awareness of how the clock is ticking for her.   Likely a good thing right? Well let’s face it, dementia and heart failure is only going in one direction and I’m nothing if pragmatic.   Which means, I deal with things without my head buried in the sand. Right now, my head IS buried in the sand. So, heart failure means the heart isn’t pumping as it should. Mum has diastolic dysfunction. Which means it isn’t filling up as it should.   The blood can only back up into the lungs, creating a cough.   Initially I explained this to mum.   Yet she now says, “Ohh got   a bit of phlegm.” Or “Ohh silly tickle.” And there’s not much point keep telling her. Why? To create panic?   What’s the po...
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Technical errors

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This is annoying but a bad sentence to start a blog about.  A blog post which is supposed to infuse positivity. Yet Siteground are the hosts who have taken down my website (I refused to pay them the hundreds of pounds they wanted to host my site for another year- so in theory, my fault) and I can't get it back without paying them more money.  Sad really as this held memories of my writing from our adventures with mum which was the whole reason I started a blog. To remember the journey from diagnosis to crossing over.  They won't give me back my writing and it's made me feel a little sad. So, in case you don't know, running a blog costs a lot of money and time.  But it's something I love and can't get enough of. Sometimes you will see some links on the blog which have affiliate links to them. This means if you click them and buy something, it helps to earn a few pennies on the blog so over time we hope this will help to finance running the blog (it doesn'...
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