Showing posts from October, 2018

Finding a middle ground - this was ALL my fault!

The past few posts have been negative and angry.

We are now somewhere totally new. This is a good thing for all concerned.

Mum is happy and comfortable. I am happy.  I'm living my life as well as making sure she has her basic needs met, gets to Cogs club and sees her friends.


Me trying too hard is why I ended up crumbling to the point of needing lots of love, care and medical attention. I should have just been me. Accepting that this has to be enough as this is all I can give.

Now, here we are with me off to hospital and having treatment. Mum didn't seem to happy about having to get a cab to her cogs club but I'm unable to drive for a couple of days due to the anaesthetic.  That's just bad luck. Accepting that mum will always demand her own needs first, putting mine second has made me feel differently about things. Don't get me wrong, if she was in hospital of course I would drop everything and be there.
I should have allowed her to get on with doing her t…

Realising how things are.

This post is sad.  But factual.  And I'm ok with it.

Bringing mum away on holiday happened by accident really.  She commented on Jasmine and I going on holiday and how she would like to go too.  I bought tickets and surprised her for her birthday.

Wondering if this might be a time where we can get close at last in these twilight times of her life, I was hopeful.  You see, as a child, i never was hugged or kissed or told I love you.  I have mentioned this before and I carry it like a sad trophy or something.  Yet it's a heavy burden and I wanted to get rid of it.  Let's face it, many kids have been through much worse. I wondered if this trip might see that happening.

I was wrong.

I don't recognise mum sometimes.  Perhaps I look at her more.  She has a habit of clenching her teeth which is new. She also frowns just a little more than she used to. Although she has always frowned.
She has, in my eyes, always had a sharp tongue.  I  never forget the mornings she flew at me…

How people can make you feel

What a difference a comment can make.

Ok, so Dad always referred to me as 'sensitive' in a negative manner.
Yes, perhaps those comments helped me to become sensitive in the first place, with so much criticism being thrown at me growing up. Then paranoia can creep in.
"You always take things to heart." I was told.

Actually, this can be a good thing. Being passionate.

I have raised my two children to embrace who they are, however other people look at things.
That said, a simple comment from an onlooker can definitely change how you feel.

Over on my other dementia blog, which I definitely can't seem to get back now, I wrote a post about someone telling mum she doesn't have dementia! Remember that one?  I was furious! Well, the past few days have seen some similar emotions come bubbling to the surface.

Gatwick airport is fantastic for Special Assistance and I have created a Youtube video all about it!
Yet what they might not realise is how wonderful one of the la…